Bailout humor that isn't so funny
Political ·Monday February 2, 2009 @ 22:22 EST (link)
(These originally were written about the rescue bill last year, but apply at least equally well to the current "stimulus".)
- The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.
- Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street.
- The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker is that the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
- What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
- The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
- I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
- Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar.
- The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures.
- President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.
- What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
- How do you define an optimist? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
- WhatÂs the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
New terms:
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.
(Some attributed to Jay Leno, some to the BBC, some were unattributed. I got them from an internal work trading/investing discussion list. Enjoy.)
These bailouts are a horrible idea since they reward bad behavior and business practices with taxpayer money (without at least giving those taxpayers an equity stake for their trouble).
If you'd like to know how much you personally will be contributing to a $1 Trillion bailout (which is how much the banks' bailout will be, at least, and then add any auto industry bailout to that), based on your income/tax bracket, look at the article at http://seekingalpha.com/article/98028-bailout-cost-per-taxpayer-by-income. Seeing how much I'll be forced to contribute yearly (over 30 years, plus interest) hits home more than unimaginably large amounts like $1 Trillion.
Books finished: Day Trading For Dummies, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?.DVDs finished: M*A*S*H: Season Four.
